I've done horrible as well

in that situation. But experience has taught me that if you're Europe and not allied with Russia, then Russia is
priority one at all costs. Plus, if at Defcon 1 the Russian silos go to launch mode, its isn't long before they disappear. If that happens, even if you get pounded, you are closer to those juicy Russian cities than anybody else and can nuke them first.
As Europe vs Russia, I typically set up a defensive line of battleships with subs just behind (all 12 in range of everything my radar can see) and carriers behind that, expecting the same setup against me (as Europe). I will Launch bombers at defcon 3 and take out as many naval ships from a safe distance as possible.
The key is to effectively micromanage (i.e., not letting the units pick the targets for you). Sending fighters against incoming bombers, bombers against Battleships/Carriers as appropriate, and your battleships against enemy fighters (then other ships), and making use of subs after they unload their nukes. Letting fighters attack fighters etc can cost you killing two or three bombers x how ever many fighters you're wasting against other fighters. In most cases, that's what the other guy is doing (fighter vs fighter, etc) and you can get more of your nukes launched against him than he can against you.
Also, while the nukes are flying, I tend to scout into Siberia by sending bombers across the USSR and hope that the other guy ignores them enough to let me 'find' his other installations, usually bases, and thus get rid of them as quickly as possible.
Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast...