Jokes

Anything and Everything about Uplink

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tabasco boy
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Postby tabasco boy » Fri Jul 18, 2003 2:54 am

Image
Eating without Tabasco® Sauce is like a computer without a OS.
Benny
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Postby Benny » Thu Jul 24, 2003 6:58 pm

GODDAMN! Tommy! You owe me 10 years of my life!!!
Love & Peace
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Postby gurlanna » Thu Jul 24, 2003 10:09 pm

DOes anyone likes dumb blonde jokes?
Ok there were three blondes and there was this magical fairy and each of them could have one wish!
And they were stranded on an island So 1 said she wanted to go to her family and poof she was with her family
2 wanted to be with her bf so poof she was
BUt three missed her friends so she wished all her friends came back so they did LOL
Hello?
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Postby prozak » Thu Jul 24, 2003 10:51 pm

hey my router does reach my class.

by any cahnce are you blond?
Blasted heath
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Postby Blasted heath » Sun Aug 03, 2003 6:36 pm

Hey - I got quite a good one =

Mrs. Jones was worried; every sunday when she and Mr. Jones went to church Mr. Jones would fall asleep during the sermon. So one sunday she went to the Minister and told to him this predicament. The minister gave her a pin and said "If I see him falling asleep I'll make a gesture with my hands and you jab him with the pin.'
  The next sunday, during the sermon, the minister noticed Mr. Jones nodding off, so he made the gesture with his hands and said "Who is our redeemer?" Mr. Jones lept up from his seat and yelled "JESUS" the minister smiled and continued. Mr. Jones stayed awake for quite a while, but sure enough he fell asleep again. Once more the minister made the motion with his hands and said "Who do we worship?" Mr. Jones screamed "GOD" and the minister settled into his normal speech.
  The minister was getting caught up in his speech and did not notice Mr. Jones falling asleep again. He was getting over excited and without knowing had just made the gesture with his hands again "...and what did eve say to adam after she bore him his 9th son?"

 Mr. Jones' eyes sprang open and he yelled:
"YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONCE MORE AND I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"

(Edited by Blasted heath at 6:37 pm on Aug. 3, 2003)
Blasted heath
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Postby SAE » Sun Aug 03, 2003 7:06 pm

here's one

what does wife stand for

washing
iorning
f-*@ing
etc
I WANT A PSP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)
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Postby Blasted heath » Sun Aug 03, 2003 7:17 pm

no comment - Oh alright.

Can i point out that most of the jokes here are
a> racist
b> hairist
c> sexist

especially the one just above.
Blasted heath
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Postby SAE » Sun Aug 03, 2003 7:40 pm

fine then you tell me a clean funny joke
I WANT A PSP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



:)
Blasted heath
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Postby Blasted heath » Sun Aug 03, 2003 9:08 pm

CLEAN! hah - bit of an oxymoron that. A clean joke. ooh -

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was sexually attracted to the drainpipe it saw on the side of the whorehouse.
Blasted heath
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Postby ODDin » Sun Aug 03, 2003 9:34 pm

Listen - we must agree that almost every group of people is known for something bad, sometimes not true. But jokes - mostly - don't wantt to insult these people. And it's pretty stupid to be insulted - for example, I'm a Jew, yet I doubt that'll I'll be insulted by a joke about a Jew that cares only about money, or something. If it's funny, it's a good joke. If it isn't, it's a bad joke. That's all.
The same thing about wives - I, myself, think that women too can enjoy them.
And about sex - well, that's your own opinion...

And about clean jokes - in this forum there is one joke about golf players ("shit missed" ), and in the jokes I gave on the previous page there two clean jokes.
But I don't think you have to be complaining about it. If you don't like - don't read. There are some people who do.
;)

(Edited by ODDin at 9:35 pm on Aug. 3, 2003)
Ghostalker
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Postby Ghostalker » Sun Aug 03, 2003 11:36 pm

Quote: from Blasted heath on 9:08 pm on Aug. 3, 2003[br]CLEAN! hah - bit of an oxymoron that. A clean joke. ooh -

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was sexually attracted to the drainpipe it saw on the side of the whorehouse.


Thats very clean!
~Watch me all In Flames ~ On a Butterfly I ride~
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Postby Ghostalker » Mon Aug 04, 2003 12:27 am

All the other sweets used to pick on the Jelly Baby, mainly because it was a big softie.  One day, some Smarties come up to it and say "We've heard about the way all the other sweets treat you, and we want to take you out for a drink. We'll protect you cause we're hard".  The Jelly Baby thanks the Smarties a lot and they go to a pub.  

After a couple of rounds, the Lockets come into the bar, and look around for someone to beat up.  The Jelly Baby looks around and see's that all the Smarties had disappeared.  The Lockets Spot the now quivering Jelly Baby, and beat the living crap out of it.  When they'd left, the Smarties came out and went to the Jelly Baby.

"Why didn't you protect me you bastards, you promised you would!" Screamed the Jelly Baby.  "Yeah we know" said one of teh Smarties, "But them lockets are fucking menthol!"
~Watch me all In Flames ~ On a Butterfly I ride~
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Postby Adriac » Mon Aug 04, 2003 1:10 am

Did you hear about the weaponsmith who was killed with one of his own swords? Oh the irony!
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Postby Darksun » Mon Aug 04, 2003 12:45 pm

Ghostalker, I heard one similar

Two pieces of red tarmac ask a piece of black tarmac if he wants to go to the pub. He says "I would, but I always get beat up when I go in there", so the pieces of red tarmac promise to protect him. They're having a drink when a gang of green tarmac comes in. The pieces of red tarmac dive under a table for protection, leaving the black tarmac to get beaten up. Later he asks the red tarmac why they didn't protect him. They reply 'Those pieces of green tarmac are fucking cyclepaths'
Blasted heath
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Postby Blasted heath » Mon Aug 04, 2003 2:37 pm

Aw - I was going to do that one, anyway -

funny.com has some good jokes.


(yay this shoud be the 300th post!)

(Edited by Blasted heath at 2:38 pm on Aug. 4, 2003)
Blasted heath

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