Jokes

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tommy060289
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Postby tommy060289 » Thu Oct 31, 2002 12:23 pm

OK ill start of with a scary joke:

This is wild. Apparently the owners of this house had
been seeing images and hearing voices for quite a
while. They did some research and found that a lady
once lived in this house. She lost her husband during
the civil war. Legend says that she used to sit at the
table and look across the fields in anticipation of her loved one returning home. He never came. So, they say she still waits. They caught this photo of what they claim to be her.

It's a little spooky once you find the ghost in the picture. It took me a little under a minute to find
it, but once I did it just stood out like a sore thumb.

I guess it's some sort of optical illusion. To
save you some time, concentrate around the table. It's best not to focus too much on one spot. Look around the table and toward the window. Click on the link below for the picture. You should definitely enlarge or maximize your browser window.

For an added touch turn up the volume. It's faint but you can hear the ghost talking sometimes in a low
murmur. Remember to turn your volume up, or you may not hear anything.

*Don't get impatient! I don't know anyone who has been able to see in less than 30 seconds.*

Click Here:
http://home.attbi.com/~n9ivo/whatswrong.swf
!toidI ,rorrim eht ni kool

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tommy060289
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Postby tommy060289 » Thu Oct 31, 2002 12:33 pm

THESE ARE FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES

IF YOU ARE A WOMEN I WOUDENT RECOMMEND READING THEM UNLESS YOU DONT MIND BEING INSULTED

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundrette a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
> > > > >----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.
> > > > >--------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:

I don't like to interrupt her.
> > > > >---------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:

Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!"
> > > > >----------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
> > > > >------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."

She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
> > > > >----------------------------------------
Young Son:

"Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad:


"That happens in every country, son".
> > > > >----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:

Wife Wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters. They all
said the same thing:

"You can have mine."
> > > > >----------------------------------------
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
> > > > >----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
!toidI ,rorrim eht ni kool



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tommy060289
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Postby tommy060289 » Thu Oct 31, 2002 3:44 pm

tell me what you think of these jokes. Just for the record there not my jokes so if you like them dont give me credit and if you hate them dont tell me they are bad however I found most them very amusing.

Also feel free to post any of your own or ones that arnt yours on here
!toidI ,rorrim eht ni kool



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tommy060289
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Postby tommy060289 » Thu Oct 31, 2002 8:17 pm

does nobody have any more jokes
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bionic sheep
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Postby bionic sheep » Thu Oct 31, 2002 9:23 pm

That first one scared the sh*t out of me! Don't do it again!
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/pie.htm Mmmm . . . pie . . .  When come back, bring pie!
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Postby tommy060289 » Thu Oct 31, 2002 9:29 pm

funny though isnt it. If anyones else looks at it and post here dont say anything about what happens

(Edited by tommy060289 at 8:32 pm on Oct. 31, 2002)
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waldaberz
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Postby waldaberz » Thu Oct 31, 2002 10:27 pm

HOLY SHIT TOMMY!

THAT FIRST ONE NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!!!
"The first non-admin profile added was that of waldaberz only minutes after the site went up.
He was also the first to edit his profile only moments later." -  Uplink Directory :)
tommy060289
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Postby tommy060289 » Thu Oct 31, 2002 10:33 pm

quite funny isnt it
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waldaberz
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Postby waldaberz » Fri Nov 01, 2002 8:02 am

Two pretzels were walking down the street and one was assaulted..


EDIT: I messed the joke up :(.. Fixed now :)

(Edited by waldaberz at 1:11 pm on Nov. 2, 2002)
"The first non-admin profile added was that of waldaberz only minutes after the site went up.
He was also the first to edit his profile only moments later." -  Uplink Directory :)
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Postby bionic sheep » Fri Nov 01, 2002 9:22 am

I have been fine with any horror film you'd care to mention, but that . . . me is scared!
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/pie.htm Mmmm . . . pie . . .  When come back, bring pie!
tommy060289
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Postby tommy060289 » Fri Nov 01, 2002 9:33 am

u mean my scary joke
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Mas Tnega
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Postby Mas Tnega » Fri Nov 01, 2002 2:44 pm

How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
10, one to hold it, the others to drink until the room starts spinning
How many blondes?
10, one to hold it, the others to push the walls until the room starts spinning
tommy060289
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Postby tommy060289 » Fri Nov 01, 2002 6:07 pm

the irish one isnt very funny but the blonde one was good
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Postby hacker15 » Sat Nov 02, 2002 2:52 am

What did God say when he created a black man?

"Oh Shit! I've burnt one!"
chemical brother
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Postby hacker15 » Sat Nov 02, 2002 3:06 am

How many spastics can you fit in an ambulance?

6,   3 in the back, 2 in the front and one on the roof going "nnneeeeee! naaaarrrrrr!  nneeeeee! nnaaaarr!"

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How many Microsoft Technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?  none, Bill Gates would just proclaim darkness as industry standard.



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An Irishman found a magic lamp, when he rubbed it a genie apperared..   "You have released me from the lamp" he said, "I shall now grant you 3 wishes"


"Oh right" says the irishman, "Well, I'd like a pint a guiness that never stays empty"

"Your wish is granted" says the genie and in the Irishman's hand appears a pint of guiness. The Irishman drinks it and as if by magic it fills up again. He drinks again and it fills up a second time.

"Now.." said the genie, "What will be you next wishes?"

"I'll have another two of those" says the irishman.

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Paddy and Bryan are two Irish brothers who work in a brick factory. One day Bryan is up on some scaffolding with great pile of bricks in his arms, suddenly one falls from the scaffold and is heading right for his boss who is standing at the bottom. Bryan shouts down "Look out!!" His Boss looks up then quickly steps aside. He looks up at Bryan then calls over to his assistant, "Get that man a raise."

Paddy was watching this and jogs up to Bryan.
"T..That w..was a b..bit cl..close wasn't it?"

The next day Paddy has a scheme is his head of how he can get a raise as well, so he climbs to the top of the scaffold with a brick in hand and waits for his boss to make his daily inspection, the right moment occurs, Paddy's boss is standing directly below the scaffold as he did the day before. Paddy takes his chance and drops the brick over the side of the scaffold directly over the head of his boss. He quickly clears his throat, peers over the edges and calls "M..  M..  M.mind t..the Oh shit I've h..hit him."
chemical brother

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