Not quite that bad. It's a Radeon IGP 345M.
"Drivers? Nope. Have these second-rate, three-year-old vendor drivers instead. Oh, and don't even think about getting those modded Catalyst drivers; I'm based on a Radeon 7000 chipset, and as such I am incapable of fully understanding complex things like OpenGL."
"3D? Three-what!? Yeah, screw you, pal. I don't do 3D for just anyone. And you don't cut it. Okay, well, you can have 5fps and nothing more, got it? but you'll have to give me more of your system RAM."
"Whut. I didn't just crash; that was your fault. I swear. Go away."
If it could talk, that is what it would say.