A Christmas Tale: Part 5

[Feud]

I haven't been on this forum in a while, so when I wrote my annual Christmas poem I didn't think to post it. But, after a request for this year's I present (belatedly) "A Christmas Tale: Part 5". Previous versions are on the forum somewhere:

A Christmas Tale: Part 5

Twas’ the night before Christmas,
When there arose a great strife,
For Santa found kidnapped,
His dear lovely wife.

Away from their cottage,
She was carried by goons,
Swept off to the land,
Ruled by one Kim Jong-un.

He cackled with laughter,
He howled with delight,
For he was opposed,
To all that seemed right.

He didn’t like presents,
For any but he,
He didn’t like Santa,
For he was naughty.

So to wrought his destruction,
An army did build,
And then captured the Mrs.
For a human shield.

Then they poured cross the border,
And they marched upon Seoul,
As he watched from his palace,
As his plan did unfold.

For the South was restrained,
And the west did give pause,
Afraid to strike back,
While he held Mrs. Clause.

But at the North Pole,
That kindly old gnome,
Declared to his elves,
“We’re bringing her home.

This will not be easy,
But we’ll win at the end,
So join me in battle,
If ye call yourselves friends.”

So they readied for battle,
And they mounted the sleigh,
Grim faces on all,
As they rose up and away.

As they entered the air space,
Of Korea the North,
A furry of missiles,
Began to come forth.

They weaved and they dove,
Dropping chaff, dropping flares,
As volleys of tracers,
Arced up through the air.

“It’s too thick” one elf screamed,
“We can’t hope to land.”
But Santa just smiled,
“That wasn’t my plan.”

“Orbit the palace,
And we’ll parachute in,
Then once we hit ground,
The real fun begins.”

So each in their turn,
The elves lept of the sled,
Their eyes full of fire,
Their guns full of lead.

Santa was first,
To have boots on the dirt,
Ho ho-ing with fury,
And shaking the earth.

He pulled out a shotgun,
And gave it a rack,
Then yelled to his enemies,
“There’s no turning back,

You’ve all been quite naughty,
But I bring you not coal,
How bout I then give you,
A free trip to Sheol?”

Then battle erupted,
As the elves hit the ground,
Each marking their targets,
And bringing them down.

As they ran through the complex,
As they cleared out the house,
They left not a one creature stirring,
Not even a mouse.

Till one last room waited,
With their targets within,
A hostage named Clause,
And a dead man named Kim.

But unknown to them,
Behind that thin door,
Waited not just their quarry,
But a readied claymore.

So as Santa burst in,
With a smash and a roar,
The landmine went off,
And blew him right out the door.

The elves froze in horror,
The Mrs. Gave out a wail,
While Kim howled with laughter,
His voice icy as nails.

“I’ve won!” He cried out,
“I cannot be beat!”
Then he froze with astonishment,
As Santa climbed to his feet.

His clothing was tattered,
His beard blackened and singed,
He flexed and he grunted,
“Let’s try that again.”

Then into the room,
He charged and he bound,
His loyal elves followed,
Their prey to put down.

With hands quick light lighting,
Santa snatched up Kim’s gun,
Bent it over his knee,
And said, “I’ve had enough fun.”

By his belt and his collar,
Santa did throw,
A terrified Kim,
Right out the window.

Who then hurtled down,
With a scream and a wail,
Till on his own statute,
His body impaled.

And the elves raised a cheer,
As the Clauses did kiss,
“Nice throw” she remarked.
He said “I don’t miss.”

As the sleigh came to land,
Santa let it be known,
That the Mrs. Was safe,
That Kim was or’thrown.

And down to the south,
The west did strike back,
Assisted by elfin,
Anti-tank hunting packs.

Then raised up a cheer,
As the future seemed bright,
While Santa once more cried out,
“To all a good night!”

[Metroidude]

That was great, dude! Well done!