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Bad Jokes

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:27 am
by xander
I am a big fan of awful, horrible, bad jokes. Puns, shaggy dog stories, absurdism, whatever. However, most of my friends have already heard all of the bad jokes that I know, so I need more material. I know that there are tons of bad jokes on the interwebs, but it is always better to get them from a trusted source -- that way I don't have to bother reading a lot of jokes that are either actually good, or not even bad. I have faith in the IV community. ;)

I will get you started with a couple of my favorites:

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey?
A: |chicken||turkey|sin(θ)

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?
A: You can't cross a mountain climber and a mosquito -- one is a scalar, the other a vector.

xander

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:29 am
by Stewsburntmonkey
Q: How many boring men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:05 am
by pinback
How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, 5, 1, 5, 1, 5...

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:10 am
by Mas Tnega
Q: Why did the cat slip off the roof?
A: It lost its mu.

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: THAT ISN'T FUNNY!

Q: When does rainbow start with an R and end with an E?
A: Always.

Q: What you do get when you cross a donkey with a chopped onion?
A: An ass so fine it'll bring tears to your eyes.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fish.


Welcome to flavour country?

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:26 am
by xyzyxx
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the monkey.

There were two muffins in an oven. The first muffin turns to the other and remarks: "It sure is hot in here."
The second muffin screams: "Aah! A talking muffin!!"

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:38 am
by Feud
Told to my grandma, and English major, a month ago as she was about to have bowel surgery: Well, looks like you'll now have a semi-colon!

Have you heard the one about the Priest, Rabbi, and Dinosaur who went fishing? Yeah, neither have I.

Q: Knock, knock
A: Who's there?
Q: Doorbell repairman.

What's the difference between a rooster, a Minute Man, and a (insert college name) co-ed?
A rooster says "cock-a-doodle-doo"
A minute man says "Yankee-doodle-doo"
A () co-ed says "any dude 'll do"

Q: What did the waterfowl hunter yell to his buddies after shooting a bird mid-flight?
A: Duck!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet?
A: 11

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He'd lie awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 2:46 am
by Mas Tnega
So anyway, these two Irishmen walk out of a bar - Yeah right.

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 3:26 am
by Feud

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 4:54 am
by xander
xyzyxx wrote:Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the monkey.

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.

Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Stapled to the first monkey.

Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Peer pressure.

Q: Why did the tree fall down?
A: Thought it was a monkey.

Q: Why did the little boy fall of of his bicycle?
A: Three monkeys and a tree landed on him.

-----

Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Let's go ride bicycles!

-----

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge in three easy steps?
A: (1) Open door; (2) insert elephant; (3) close door.

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
A: (1) Open door; (2) remove elephant; (3) insert giraffe; (4) close door.

Q: If Tarzan calls a meeting of all of the jungle animals, which animal won't be there?
A: The giraffe -- it is locked up in your fridge.

Q: On the way home from the meeting, you come to a river with a sign saying "Danger: Crocodiles." How do you get across?
A: Just swim -- just swim, the crocs are still on their way home from the meeting.

Q: In a race between an elephant and a giraffe, which would win?
A: The elephant -- the giraffe is still locked up in your fridge.

xander

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 6:55 am
by ynbniar
Q.What's the difference between an apple and an orange?
A. They both can't drive a tractor.

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 7:28 am
by Montyphy
ynbniar wrote:Q.What's the difference between an apple and an orange?
A. They both can't drive a tractor.


Not much of a difference. ;)

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 9:37 am
by Feud
Q: Why do ducks make lousy SCUBA divers?
A: They always quack under pressure.

Q: Why do they test medicine on rats and not frogs?
A: The frogs always croak.

Did you hear about the midget who's car was repossessed? He kept coming up short.

Why is it so hard for loan sharks to break fingers? They're all thumbs.

Re: Bad Jokes

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:03 am
by Pox
xander wrote:I will get you started with a couple of my favorites:

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey?
A: |chicken||turkey|sin(θ)

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?
A: You can't cross a mountain climber and a mosquito -- one is a scalar, the other a vector.

xander


Durr hurr hurr... doing vectors ( again :roll: ) at school at the moment. I'll have to punish the class with those.

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:46 am
by Xocrates
Two markets are flying around.

Market 1: Hey, we're markets. We shouldn't be able to fly.
Market 2: I don't know about you, but I'm a Supermarket.

---

Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

A: Outlaws are wanted.

---

Q: How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None -- they don't want to be enlightened!

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 1:32 pm
by xander
Feud wrote:Did you hear about the midget who's car was repossessed? He kept coming up short.

Q: What happens when you don't pay the exorcist?
A: You get repossessed.

xander