Bad Jokes

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zjoere
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Postby zjoere » Sun Aug 31, 2008 8:49 pm

A nigger, a mexican and a muslim are in a car. Who's driving ?
The police

how many jews can you fit in convertable ?
28:
2 in the seats and 26 in the ash tray

who invented the triatlon ?
niggers. they ran to the pool and came back with a bike
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Postby xander » Sun Aug 31, 2008 9:48 pm

Yeah... there was a line... it is way back there.

xander
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Postby Mas Tnega » Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:04 pm

There was? It was? So much for my Auschwitz "Taz hate water" parody...
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Postby zjoere » Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:21 pm

moving closer to the line ( i think )

Theres a Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani on a train, the Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says 'theres plenty more of that where i come from'.
The others are impressed so the Cuban takes out one of the finest havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says 'theres plenty more of those where i come from'.
Again everyone is rather impressed so the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.....

ooh, i just remember two really offensive ones :)

what's the top point of paedophilia ?
looking in the garbage cans of the abortion clinic to see if you can find something to fuck

can't really translate the other one, but maybe jelco can:
Wat is de overeenkomst tussen een 10 jarig meisje en een ferrari ?
Het zit strak, maar het scheurt wel lekker

and who could forget dead baby jokes:
http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/
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Postby Phelanpt » Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:27 pm

That line is like "too soon". It is highly personal and dependent on context.

Saying there is a line that should not be crossed with humour, is limiting others' freedom of speech.
Saying "too soon" is a way of doing the former, and to seem like you're not doing it.

If you don't find the joke funny, or it disgusts you, then that is a different matter altogether.

I don't find zjoere's last jokes that funny, maybe because I've heard them over and over, but the general direction the jokes have been taking is that one.

I much prefer puns myself.

------------------------------------

Once upon a time, there was a man who lived in a grass hut. He was the leader of a tribe, and every year he would have a new throne made for him to sit on.

Each year, the throne was bigger and better than in the previous year. Of course, the leader did not want to let the older thrones go to waste, so he would have his tribe members stow them in the attic of his grass hut.

One year, he had a VERY large throne made, and had the old throne put in the attic, as had been done so many times before. As he sat down to enjoy his new throne, the old throne in the attic fell through the grass ceiling and killed him.

Moral: If you live in a grass hut, don't stow thrones.
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Postby jelco » Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:30 pm

zjoere wrote:can't really translate the other one, but maybe jelco can:
Wat is de overeenkomst tussen een 10 jarig meisje en een ferrari ?
Het zit strak, maar het scheurt wel lekker

Eew, just...eew. But fine, I'll try.

What's the similarity between a 10-year-old girl and a Ferrari?
They're both tight and ripping fast.

Don't look at me like that, throw those nastly looks at zjoere! :P

Jelco
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Postby xander » Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:34 pm

Phelanpt wrote:That line is like "too soon". It is highly personal and dependent on context.

Saying there is a line that should not be crossed with humour, is limiting others' freedom of speech.
Saying "too soon" is a way of doing the former, and to seem like you're not doing it.

If you don't find the joke funny, or it disgusts you, then that is a different matter altogether.

I don't find zjoere's last jokes that funny, maybe because I've heard them over and over, but the general direction the jokes have been taking is that one.

I much prefer puns myself.

I really need to use more emoticons. I actually laughed at all three of the jokes -- I think it is the use of the word "nigger" that threw me. I have worked in a couple of low income schools with mostly black and hispanic kids. Using words like "nigger" or "spic" are good ways to get yourself dead.

xander
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Postby Phelanpt » Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:39 pm

xander wrote:
Phelanpt wrote:That line is like "too soon". It is highly personal and dependent on context.

Saying there is a line that should not be crossed with humour, is limiting others' freedom of speech.
Saying "too soon" is a way of doing the former, and to seem like you're not doing it.

If you don't find the joke funny, or it disgusts you, then that is a different matter altogether.

I don't find zjoere's last jokes that funny, maybe because I've heard them over and over, but the general direction the jokes have been taking is that one.

I much prefer puns myself.

I really need to use more emoticons. I actually laughed at all three of the jokes -- I think it is the use of the word "nigger" that threw me. I have worked in a couple of low income schools with mostly black and hispanic kids. Using words like "nigger" or "spic" are good ways to get yourself dead.

xander


Heh, when I went back to read your post with a comedy voice, it didn't seem as serious as I first read it. But my post was done by then. :P


Also, another one of the same type:

Long, long ago, there lived a French Count that was captured and convicted of high treason. The authorities knew he had accomplices, but the Count would not talk. After much frustration, they decided to torture him.

He was tortured for weeks, but he maintained to the end that he would not betray his friends or his principles. Eventually, they realized that he would not be broken and sentenced him to death.

He was brought to the Guillotine, but just as the blade was about to fall he cried out "Stop... I will tell you everything". But it was too late, the blade fell and the Count was dead.

The moral of this story: Don't hatchet your Counts before they chicken.
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Postby jelco » Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:40 pm

xander wrote:Using words like "nigger" or "spic" are good ways to get yourself dead.

I remember a sketch where some title text announced a potentially deadly stunt, with an exceptionally brave stuntman, after which a guy completely dressed up in a protective suit was shown. He then walks towards a railway, and as the camera turns a bunch of coloured people come into view. He stands in the middle of the group, screams "NIGGERS!" and runs like hell. :lol:

I think the problem here is that the Dutch word "neger" is a quite accepted word for coloured people as opposed to the English "nigger" - although it's still not a good idea to adress someone as such. :P

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Postby xander » Sun Aug 31, 2008 10:42 pm

jelco the galactaboy wrote:
xander wrote:Using words like "nigger" or "spic" are good ways to get yourself dead.

I remember a sketch where some title text announced a potentially deadly stunt, with an exceptionally brave stuntman, after which a guy completely dressed up in a protective suit was shown. He then walks towards a railway, and as the camera turns a bunch of coloured people come into view. He stands in the middle of the group, screams "NIGGERS!" and runs like hell. :lol:

I think the problem here is that the Dutch word "neger" is a quite accepted word for coloured people as opposed to the English "nigger" - although it's still not a good idea to adress someone as such. :P

Jelco

Indeed -- after reading the post, and responding, I realized that he probably didn't speak English natively.

xander
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Postby zjoere » Mon Sep 01, 2008 12:26 pm

jelco the galactaboy wrote:
zjoere wrote:can't really translate the other one, but maybe jelco can:
Wat is de overeenkomst tussen een 10 jarig meisje en een ferrari ?
Het zit strak, maar het scheurt wel lekker

Eew, just...eew. But fine, I'll try.

What's the similarity between a 10-year-old girl and a Ferrari?
They're both tight and ripping fast.

Don't look at me like that, throw those nastly looks at zjoere! :P

Jelco


pfft, like the english always say:

if there's gras on the wicked, let's play crickett !


and jelco is right: the dutch version of nigger is less frowned upon then nigger in america.
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Postby coolsi » Mon Sep 01, 2008 7:25 pm

The plane in Spain falls mainly on the runway.
Nakatomi is coming
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Postby Feud » Tue Sep 02, 2008 6:41 pm

Shaggy dog story, took me a while to type it out!

Many, many years ago, when the American west was still being settled, there was an Indian tribe. This tribe had once been a strong, proud people; but beginning first with the diseases that the Spaniards brought and then later with the decimation of game by fur trappers, they had been driven to the point of collapse.

The Chief saw the dire situation his tribe was in, and was wise enough to realize that without hope they would soon scatter and be lost. He sought out the tribes medicine man for advice on what he must to do save his people. The medicine man listened to the Chief, and said, "this is not a problem that man's wisdom alone may solve, leave me while I seek for answers." For several days the medicine man sat alone by the fire, singing, and praying to the gods and ancestors seeking out guidance. Finally, after four days and four nights, he sought out the Chief.

"You cannot save this tribe," he said, "but there is hope. Soon a child shall be born, the mightiest leader this tribe has ever known. He shall grow strong in his youth, and be a scourge to the white man. He shall untie the Indian tribes, and bring back the buffalo. By him shall our name be known, and he will lead us from our sorrows."

The Chief was quite happy with this, but the medicine man continued, "But, there is much peril. His strength shall make him brash, his courage fool hardy. Muscles can grow strong while young, but the wisdom of time is only found by walking the road. If he doesn't learn wisdom in his youth, than his efforts shall lead to disaster and ruin. But, should that happen, not all is lost. If he does such, than he will learn his wisdom in the next life. Not even death can hold a mighty warrior such as he, and when he has learned wisdom he will return to finish the work he was sent to do."

The Chief was in awe at this mighty prophecy, and asked, "how can we know which child it is?" The medicine man answered, "This warrior shall be so fierce that even the earth and sky shall tremble in fear at his arrival. That is how you shall know him, that is how you shall name him."

Several months later, a massive storm was raging. The Chief's wife was in labor, and the village gathered wondering if this was the fulfillment of the prophecy they had all heard of. Just as the baby emerged, a massive mud slide swept past the camp, up rooting trees, boulders, and tearing away, most of the mountain side. The village, feeling the shaking and hearing the noise, rushed out to find it had missed their camp by mere yards. Realizing that this must be what the prophecy spoke of the gathered back to see the child, who was named Falling Rocks, named not only for the event that marked his birth, but symbolic of the sweeping away of the white man that he would bring.

The child grew, and by the time he was a young man he had become one of the greatest hunters the tribe had ever known. Even when game was scarce he always managed to find a deer, an antelope, or a bear to feed his people. He could out run any of the adults, and out wrestle any of his peers. By the time he was a young man, his pride, fueled by his knowledge of the prophecy and his role in it, and grown as strong as his muscles.

One day, when the tribe was at it's lowest point, he decided that he had had enough. Though the elders warned him he wasn't ready for war, he gathered up the young men of the tribe, and announced that he was going to the white man's land in a near by valley to raid livestock. The youth rode out, and as they entered the valley they quickly found a strong herd of cattle. They were over joyed, this would feed and cloth the tribe for months!

As they were rounding up the cattle, some ranch hands spotted them and came riding out to meet them. The young men began to panic, but not Falling Rocks. He let out a war cry, and charged straight at the cowboys, whooping and hollering as he went. Staying low to his horse to avoid their gunfire, he lept at the first one he encountered, and after several minutes of vicious fighting the cowboys lay dead.

The party quickly returned to their village, bringing not only the cattle but tales of what Falling Rocks had accomplished. That night the tribe feasted, their savior had emerged! Over the next several months Falling Rocks continued to lead raids, each one growing more daring than the last, and each one resulting in more white deaths than the last. Though the Elders tried to warn him that he was trying to do too much too quickly, the tribe fell behind him. The wisdom of the elders had not saved them before, they reasoned, but Falling Rocks' actions were saving them now!

Unknown to them, far away the actions had been noticed by others. The territory Governor, seeing more bodies piling up, more cattle and horses being stolen, and more settlements burned, requested that the Army be sent. Soon, hundreds of mounted troops arrived to help put down the hostile Indian outbreak.

The arrival of the troops sent murmurs throughout the tribe. What would they do, could their few warrior stand up to all those solders? They gathered to discuss the matter, and at the height of the murmuring Falling Rocks stood. He reminded the tribe of their past victories, and reassured them that all was well. He reasoned that while they were small, the other tribes had heard of their exploits and the prophecy, and were gathering to join them in the fight. The village nodded in agreement, almost daily they had runners from other tribes arriving telling them that they were coming, and looking forward to the prophecy's fulfillment.

The old Chief slowly rose, and reminded Falling Rocks that it would take many days for the tribes to gather. The Army would be here too soon, and would destroy them. For this reason, the Chief argued, the tribe must sue for peace in a bid for time.

Falling Rocks, infuriated that his own father would doubt him, and do so in front of the tribe, refused to give in. "I will lead our young warriors down to the white Army," he said, "and we shall steal their horses, just as we was stolen so many heads of cattle. The Army will have no way to catch us on foot, and we can use the horses to help gather the warriors from other tribes. Once we do, we shall return to the white Army and slaughter them, and with their Army gone we shall drive the rest of the white man from our lands!"

The village erupted into cheers, and despite the Chief's pleas the young men rode out to carry out Falling Rocks' plan. Night had fallen as they approached the Army camp, and silently dispatched the few sentries on guard. As they rounded up the horses to lead them out, a lone soldier emerged from a tent, and noticed the Indian party. With too much distance between them there was no way to silence him before he screamed, and quickly the camp was alive with soldiers. The Indian party has very skilled though, and they managed to steal all the horses before they could be stopped. As they rode out Falling Rocks slowed, and looked back gleefully at the camp. His time had come, and with a bold cry he reined his horse back on it's feet, raised his rifle, and cheered! It was in that pose, silhouetted against the moon, that the Army marksman found his target.

Though they had heard rifle fire many times before, the party turned this one time to see their leader fall from his horse. They tried to go back and retrieve the body, but by now withering rifle fire was coming form the camp, and all those who tried were cut down. By morning, though they had retrieved the horses, the cost was heavy. More than half of the young men dead, as well as Falling Rocks.

Distraught the camp turned to the old Chief. He knew that the white man had many more horses than these, but that even if they didn't the loss of their symbol had doomed any chance, their only option was peace. Dejectedly he rode down the mountain to the camp, where he was forced to sign a humiliating treaty, regulating his tribe to a reservation and poverty.

It has been many years since that day, with many more hard times for the tribes, all of which were eventually subjugated. But they never forgot the prophecy, and with each year that passes they know that they are a year closer to Falling Rocks' return. This time, they reason, he will has learned wisdom, this time he will have learned to lead with his mind and heart, not with his pride. They still wait for him, and to this day you can still see their signs along many roadways, meant both to remind themselves of their destiny and to warn the white men to leave:

Watch for Falling Rocks.
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Postby Cooper42 » Tue Sep 02, 2008 6:57 pm

What's the difference between madeline McCann and Madeline McCann jokes?

Madeline McCann jokes will get old.
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Postby Mas Tnega » Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:14 pm

What's the difference between Maddie and a BMX?
I don't take the BMX of a hook when I want to go for a ride.


The above is not what we traditionally call a bad joke. This is the wrong kind of bad; this is the "Warm place destiny" kind of bad.


Compare with:

A boy and a girl have a fight. Flooring the girl with a vicious punch to the face, the boy turns and walks away. His teacher suddenly hustles over to him and sternly says:
"What have I told you about hitting girls?!"
The teacher puts her hand over her face as the girl suddenly knocks him on his ass and kerbstomps him.
"... Never underestimate your opponent."


It's especially bad because I just made it up.

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