Bad Jokes

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Feud
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Postby Feud » Wed Aug 27, 2008 4:35 am

Xocrates wrote:
I know another variant:

Nurse: "Doctor. There's a man out here who thinks he's invisible"
Doctor (busy): "Tell him I can't see him right now"


That joke was featured in an article on how not to tell a joke in last months Reader's Digest.
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All American Mobster
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Postby All American Mobster » Wed Aug 27, 2008 5:36 am

Q. Whats a knights favorite fish?
A. A swordfish

Q. What did the beaver say to the log?
A. It's been nice gnawing you.

Q. What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a porcupine?
A. A Slowpoke.

Q. What did the blanket say to the bed?
A. Got you covered.

Another Lame Joke

Pirate #1: Why can't we play cards?
Pirate #2: Because Captain Patchy is standing on the deck



-$tanley
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KingAl
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Postby KingAl » Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:44 am

Googling jokes, sure. But keeping the subtitle, including underlining?
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Postby Blackbeard » Wed Aug 27, 2008 12:05 pm

True story, though not a joke as such :roll: :

A friend of mine was out walking in the countryside with his family, when a Hang-glider passed high over-head. Being the first to spot it, he turned to his wife and said, 'Look at that fat sod up there'.
A few seconds passed, then the man in the Hang-glider shouted, 'I heard that you stupid bastard!'
...proof indeed that sound can travel long distances when unhindered :lol: .
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All American Mobster
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Postby All American Mobster » Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:15 pm

KingAl wrote:Googling jokes, sure. But keeping the subtitle, including underlining?


*Sigh* not google. Some are from a magazine. Although the last one was one I heared from a friend, and i thought it was the lamest but best joke I put up underlined. "Mr Know-It-All"



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zjoere
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Postby zjoere » Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:57 pm

brian berris aristocrate joke

edit: i looked up what an aristocrate joke is and now realise the above isn't a bad joke at all :oops:
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Postby Mas Tnega » Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:15 pm

Something funny on albinoblacksheep? That's a good one. Tell me another.
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Postby xander » Wed Aug 27, 2008 9:47 pm

zjoere wrote:brian berris aristocrate joke

edit: i looked up what an aristocrate joke is and now realise the above isn't a bad joke at all :oops:

You have failed to understand the point of this topic. You are lucky that Mas managed to save you.

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Postby Phelanpt » Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:35 pm

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
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Postby Rosti » Thu Aug 28, 2008 2:55 am

Mas Tnega wrote:Q: Why did the cat slip off the roof?
A: It lost its mu.


'S'funny, but I was always told this version:

Why did the kitten slip off the roof?

Because it only had a little mu. (Ba-dum-dum-tish)

I guess that means I have to contribute some fresh meat, so here goes:

A pirate walks into a pub - awkwardly, as he has a large steering wheel inside his piratical trousers. The barman serves him before asking him why, to which he replies "Yah! It's been drivin' me nuts for days".

Of course, if you just want poor puns, I could always mention that I used to refer to myself as the comedy cyborg - half man, half-wit.
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Postby KingAl » Thu Aug 28, 2008 7:16 am

All American Mobster wrote:
KingAl wrote:Googling jokes, sure. But keeping the subtitle, including underlining?


*Sigh* not google. Some are from a magazine. Although the last one was one I heared from a friend, and i thought it was the lamest but best joke I put up underlined. "Mr Know-It-All"



-$tanley


Y'sure? 5 of 5, there. I seriously don't mind people googling for jokes - why would I mind? I just found it strange that you kept the format which was clearly ancillary to the joke itself.
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Postby Phelanpt » Thu Aug 28, 2008 1:22 pm

Rosti wrote:Of course, if you just want poor puns, I could always mention that I used to refer to myself as the comedy cyborg - half man, half-wit.

:lol:
If you don't mind, I think I'll be using this myself later.
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Postby desktopsimmer » Thu Aug 28, 2008 1:30 pm

Young woman at the bar and asks for a "double entendre". So, he gives her one.
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Postby All American Mobster » Thu Aug 28, 2008 5:57 pm

KingAl wrote:
All American Mobster wrote:
KingAl wrote:Googling jokes, sure. But keeping the subtitle, including underlining?


*Sigh* not google. Some are from a magazine. Although the last one was one I heared from a friend, and i thought it was the lamest but best joke I put up underlined. "Mr Know-It-All"



-$tanley


Y'sure? 5 of 5, there. I seriously don't mind people googling for jokes - why would I mind? I just found it strange that you kept the format which was clearly ancillary to the joke itself.


Well, thats wierd, but seriously, never googled any of em :lol: Heared some of em from my friends and others from a magazine. But what does it matter?



-$tanley
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Postby Wasgood » Fri Aug 29, 2008 9:48 am

Why did the plane crash?
Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.



Whats bread?
Raw Toast.


What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Wheres my tractor.

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