Bad Jokes

The place to hang out and talk about totally anything general.
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ZMannZilla
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Postby ZMannZilla » Wed Nov 05, 2008 12:35 am

What's the best part of an abortion?
It brings out the kid in you.

Man 1: Jesus walks into a motel, lays three nails on the counter, and says "Could you put me up for the night?"
Man 2: Ooooooooh, too soon...

How many union guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
32... GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
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xyzyxx
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Postby xyzyxx » Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:32 pm

Some people talk because they have something to say. Others talk because they have to say something.
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Phelanpt
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Postby Phelanpt » Thu Jan 29, 2009 9:09 pm

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
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NeatNit
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Postby NeatNit » Thu Jan 29, 2009 9:55 pm

2 more days for a month bump, and this was completely irrelevant. This topic is for bad jokes.


:P



Also that's so fucking true
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xander
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Postby xander » Thu Jan 29, 2009 11:32 pm

Phelanpt wrote:13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"


NeatNit wrote:--==<stupid inanity>==--

You fail at quoting everything, including headers.

xander
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Phelanpt
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Postby Phelanpt » Wed Sep 16, 2009 6:16 pm

Had to revive this thread.

A polar bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a large orange juice...








...on the rocks."

The bartender served the juice and said, "Here it is, but why the big pause?"

"I don't know," the polar bear replied. "I've always had them."
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xander
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Postby xander » Wed Sep 16, 2009 6:56 pm

Phelanpt wrote:Had to revive this thread.

A polar bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a large orange juice...








...on the rocks."

The bartender served the juice and said, "Here it is, but why the big pause?"

"I don't know," the polar bear replied. "I've always had them."

Pish. That joke is much better with a bear that wants a gin... and tonic.

-----

So, a horse walks into a bar. The barkeep says "Why the long face?"

-----

So, a three-legged dog walks into a bar, climbs up to the counter, and says "I'm lookin' fer tha man what shot mah paw!"

-----

So, a piece of string walks into a bar. The string coils on up to the counter, and asks for a drink. The barkeep says "I'm sorry, but we don't serve your kind around here."

The string leaves the bar. He ties himself up, then pulls apart the individual fibers at both ends. He walks back into the bar, coils on up to the counter, and once again tries to order a drink. The barkeeps says "Aren't you that string that was just in here?"

The string replies "I'm a frayed knot."

---

On an unrelated note (and I have probably told these before, but they are my favorite jokes):

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a turkey?
A: |chicken||turkey|sin(theta).

Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: You can't. One is a scaler, the other is a vector.

xander
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Montyphy
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Postby Montyphy » Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:07 pm

Phelanpt wrote:"I'll have a large orange juice on the rocks."


Orange juice on the rocks? :/

[size=0]Yes, I know 'on the rocks' means 'with ice' but you don't say that for soft drinks.[/size]
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NeatNit
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Postby NeatNit » Wed Sep 16, 2009 9:02 pm

Montyphy wrote:
A polar bear wrote:"I'll have a large orange juice on the rocks."


Orange juice on the rocks? :/

[size=0]Yes, I know 'on the rocks' means 'with ice' but you don't say that for soft drinks.[/size]
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Postby DTNC Vicious » Wed Sep 16, 2009 9:32 pm

How do u beat Lady Gaga- U Poke her face/ u get it her song Poker Face ......... :o
-Vic
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Phelanpt
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Postby Phelanpt » Wed Sep 16, 2009 11:08 pm

Montyphy wrote:
Phelanpt wrote:"I'll have a large orange juice on the rocks."


Orange juice on the rocks? :/

[size=0]Yes, I know 'on the rocks' means 'with ice' but you don't say that for soft drinks.[/size]


You try telling that to a polar bear!
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tabasco boy
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Postby tabasco boy » Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:37 am

on Patrick Swayze funeral one of his closes friend says a eulogy then suddenly Kanye West interrupts and screams Michael Jacksons funeral is better...

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