Bad Jokes

The place to hang out and talk about totally anything general.
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desktopsimmer
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Postby desktopsimmer » Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:18 am

I think you have bread issues...
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zjoere
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Postby zjoere » Fri Aug 29, 2008 4:34 pm

what did nazi guards say to the jews before they entered the gas chambers ?
watch your step, there's a small stair
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xander
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Postby xander » Fri Aug 29, 2008 7:36 pm

Q: What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm in your apple.

Q: What is worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
A: THE HOLOCAUST!

xander
Mas Tnega
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Postby Mas Tnega » Fri Aug 29, 2008 7:52 pm

Going for tasteless, eh?

A: Knock knock
B: Who's there?
A: Not Maddie LOL.
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Postby RabidZombie » Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:04 pm

Best joke in the thread right there, Mas.

What, too early?
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xander
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Postby xander » Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:27 pm

Mas Tnega wrote:Going for tasteless, eh?

Too soon, eh?

xander
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shinygerbil
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Postby shinygerbil » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:16 pm

I would have laughed at that joke six months ago.

...but then, I'm me. I laugh at things like this. (I'm posting a link because I got told off in another forum o_0)
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Postby MikeTheWookiee » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:54 pm

shinygerbil wrote:really, really tasteless.

I may have woken up the neighbours laughing.

As for bad jokes - feedline / punchline stolen from the internet, story / padding made up just now
There's a regular in my local pub, Big Jimmy we call him, as he's a dwarf. I went in the other day and he was sat on a stool, effing and blinding away like they were going to start taxing it tomorrow. Seems everyone in there's bought him a drink to calm him down but it hasn't helped, and he's royally pissed. And angry. He's somehow managed to put a big dent in one of the wooden pump-handles in his rage. Eventually I get the story out of him / everyone else, that he's been robbed in the street. Well, not really robbed so much as stolen from: he didn't notice someone take his wallet (with just-cashed giro in) from his pocket. Eighty-two pounds, which he was hoping would keep him in booze and fags for the next week. The police wouldn't help as he didn't see who did it, so everyone just grumbled a lot, with the nuttier elements going on about how hanging's too good for them and what society's coming to these days. I mean really, pickpocketing a dwarf - how could anyone stoop so low?
NZ ARMY
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Postby NZ ARMY » Sat Aug 30, 2008 1:34 am

I have resisted contributing thus far, but....

Q. What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

A. Lean beef.


Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?

A. Ground beef.
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Pox
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Postby Pox » Sat Aug 30, 2008 1:39 am

shinygerbil wrote:I would have laughed at that joke six months ago.

...but then, I'm me. I laugh at things like this. (I'm posting a link because I got told off in another forum o_0)


Hahahaha... that is too good! :lol:
Mas Tnega
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Postby Mas Tnega » Sat Aug 30, 2008 1:47 am

xander wrote:
Mas Tnega wrote:Going for tasteless, eh?

Too soon, eh?

xander
No such thing as too soon. It implies that you can specify a date and where it's magically more OK to tell the joke.

Besides which, it just means there's no good current affairs jokes. :(
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xander
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Postby xander » Sat Aug 30, 2008 3:34 am

Mas Tnega wrote:
xander wrote:
Mas Tnega wrote:Going for tasteless, eh?

Too soon, eh?

xander
No such thing as too soon. It implies that you can specify a date and where it's magically more OK to tell the joke.

Besides which, it just means there's no good current affairs jokes. :(

Indeed -- that was stated in a somewhat ironic manner. I mean, I was making jokes about planes hitting towers on the 14th of September. I would have started sooner, but I was out of touch prior to that date, and didn't know that anything had happened.

xander
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desktopsimmer
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Postby desktopsimmer » Sat Aug 30, 2008 10:50 am

After Jose Mourinho left Chelsea, he went back to Portugal. He wanted to get away from the press and all, so he asked the McCanns to hide him.
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Rosti
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Postby Rosti » Sat Aug 30, 2008 12:42 pm

Phelanpt wrote:If you don't mind, I think I'll be using this myself later.


With my blessing! I just checked my profile on this forum and it's apparently still the signature I've got set up here. Will be dropping that one into a thread at the appropriate time...

Moaw joaks lol: What do you call a Muslim flying a plane?
A pilot, you [expletive deleted] racist.
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Postby Feud » Sat Aug 30, 2008 8:28 pm

Why didn't the lawyer stop for a drink?

He'd already passed the bar!

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