<3

[estel]

Pix or it didn't happen.

[xander]

I've never actually been much of a romantic, and I don't really believe in "falling in love" in the traditional sense, I suppose. I tend to be a bit more pragmatic about things. Wendryn and I met in a church choir (that, in and of itself, is kind of a funny story -- I am an atheist, and started singing with the Episcopalians because they paid me $100 per week for 3 hours of work; Wendryn was raised Episcopalian, and, while she is a practicing atheist as well, likes the music). We became friends, and, over time, eventually started dating. Then we got married. I don't think that there was a singular moment when we "fell in love." It was/is a gradual process built upon mutual respect, friendship, &c.

xander

[Montyphy]

It was about 16 years and 9 months ago when I less than three-ed yo' momma the first time, although it was, and still is, a strictly no strings attached arrangement.

[(MOR)]

I've kissed the shadows
As mourning lusts for dew
She with lips of sweetest pain
Lies in wait for you
With the dawn she went away
Before mist veiled the earth
Nothing remained except for the wounds
The only gift of her


Hope you understand..

[zach]

Hmm, love, a bit of an oddball. (Then again, I would say that, wouldn't I?)

-

I have fallen in love a few times, not counting the crushes up through elementary, but actually more of the sort that xander doesn't believe in. I don't think I'm getting you straight, xander - I don't believe you'll get a lasting friendship/marriage out of purely being 'in love', but the sensation of being in love (usually prior to - if so - loving someone) surely exists in some way or other?

I've felt the butterflies too, and although the times are few and far-between, I somehow manage to turn both the butterflies themselves, and the rarity of their appearance, into something utterly enjoyable - even if I do not 'get to be' with whomever I fall in love with.

Let me try to explain once of these times of falling in love - as vividly as I can at the moment, that is.

-

I believe the first time was some four years ago, the high school I had started at (not knowing anyone) had some kind of camping trip arranged. All us first-graders biking to the place, I was dead last (as usual with any form of physical activity) - but so was she. We for some reason kept getting in front of the other, perhaps by chance.

I hoped I would have an opportunity to speak to her when we arrived.

A new-found friend and I sat down, and she sat pretty close by - after mentioning something about theoretical physics, she turned to us and inquired. "Great", I thought, "again it is my friends, not me, that get to approach people I might have feelings for". It didn't take much talk of PHP, physics and philosophy for my friend to leave in a sort of 'I think I'll let you handle this '-way.

We spent the entire day just talking about ourselves, each other, and various topics - not daring to approach the other physically in any way - as neither of us wanted to ruin anything.

At night, we got our sleeping bags outside, away from where all the others slept, and just laid there, looking at the stars, talking. We started counting shooting stars, and we both got above 50 that night - still not even ready to hold hands.

When we went home, she told me the address of her website, and said I could find contact information there - but it was offline when I got home. "Oh no", I thought, fearing that I would have to wait till monday to speak with her. Luckily, I found her profile on some music listening site - added her MSN - and after writing each other for about 15 minutes, it came clear that it "would be a shame to only see each other at school" ... Within minutes, we had declared ourselves a couple, and met up the following day.

-

This relationship has lasted to this day. It has been on-off in a couple-ish sense (though the friendship has been constant), and both of us have seen other people during this time (although obviously I am not discussing these other falls in love just now).

As a matter of fact, she is dropping by in a matter of minutes now, for dinner and who-knows-what. We are not a couple now, nor do we want to be - rather a friendly relationship, based on - as xander speaks of - mutual respect.

-

Later, I will probably give my opinion on your situation, jelco. But for now, these were my two cents.

[Ace Rimmer]

If I wasn't extremely busy right now, I'd post to this for sure. Unfortunately, I have a deadline in a couple of hours and then have to meet some friends from out of state (or rather siblings of friends). So, it'll have to wait. Didn't read zanzer7's post above, but there is a difference between love and the feelings we call "love". Anyway...

[martin]

Well I couldn't decide whether or not to post here, obviously I decided to. My relationship status is best described as the oversimplification facebook insists on: "It's complicated" :/

I didn't go out with anyone in high school, so when I got to college I might be confident talking to girls just as friends (in fact more so than a lot of guys my age) but not as anything more. Anyway, in the first year of college in my form was a girl called Cara, we were friends and she was my first time genuinely "falling in love" - however since we were just friends and she was already in a relationship I never told her how I felt which is something I still regret, I'm sure I should have at least told her.
Next, year 2 starts. Now we all have new forms so I didn't see Cara much and we sort of drifted apart so I'm obviously never gonna tell her now. However in my group of friends and is a girl called Abi (a friend of a friend), we were just acquantiences through the academic year, but there were some parties when the term ended (first a coupla birthday parties, then some end of term parties) and we kinda got to know one another. So, we're kinda working up to a proper relationship and general consensus among our mutual friends is that we'll end up going out (no pressure for this to succeed then :/), however while I might love Abi I also still have feelings for Cara, even if they are fading and are clearly never going to go anywhere ¬¬

So, like I said, it's complicated. I have no idea if I should get involved with Abi or not, at the moment I can't really stop without looking like an ass, and destroying my relationship with Abi; and all for nothing

[Montyphy]

LAME, you only have one Facebook friend and her name isn't Abi or Cara.

[ynbniar]

Primary 2, new school, 6 years old, fell in love with a girl in my class.

Unrequited Love from afar for the next 6 years

[martin]

LAME, you only have one Facebook friend and her name isn't Abi or Cara.

I'm only on facebook because my Aunt (my one friend) invited me, otherwise I don't use facebook
In my opinion, actually having friends rather than a long list of people and saying "look, they're my friends, it says so at the top of that list" is much better ¬¬

[Montyphy]

My point wasn't the number of friends you have but rather me being unable to contact either of your interests in order to link them here, or at least pretend that I had.

[martin]

My point wasn't the number of friends you have but rather me being unable to contact either of your interests in order to link them here, or at least pretend that I had.

yes well if there was a possibility of you doing that I'd have changed the names involved

[xander]

I have fallen in love a few times, not counting the crushes up through elementary, but actually more of the sort that xander doesn't believe in. I don't think I'm getting you straight, xander - I don't believe you'll get a lasting friendship/marriage out of purely being 'in love', but the sensation of being in love (usually prior to - if so - loving someone) surely exists in some way or other?

First off, I don't think you really understood what I said (though that may be my fault for not being clear). I said that "I don't really believe in 'falling in love' in the traditional sense." This would be the story that we are all familiar with -- it is portrayed in the movies, on television, in fiction, &c. It is the idea that you can meet someone and immediately fall in love, or know someone for only a very short amount of time, and know that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. To me, this does not suggest love, but rather hormonal infatuation. I do not deny that the feelings exist, but I don't think that they are the basis of a lasting, healthy relationship. Rather, a lasting relationship is built from the things I mentioned above, mutual friendship, admiration, and respect.

That is not to say that infatuation cannot lead to real love -- if two people are mutually infatuated, and spend time together, they may find that they have more in common, and really do love, admire, and respect one another. I just don't think that this hormonal response should be taken to mean the same thing as love.

If you think about it, teenagers and young adults (say, most people under the age of 24 or so) have a lot of hormones running around in their systems. I think it is fair to say that this would describe a fair number of people here (and I am writing as much from personal experience as anything -- I was a hormonal teenager once, too). They see/meet/talk to attractive people of the opposite sex (or the same sex), and feel an attraction to them. They think this is love. So, they get married, then realize a few years later, that they really don't like each other, but that the sex was good. This, in some ways, explains why so many marriages that end in divorce are cases where the couple met in high school (or college, or university), and got married right away.

I'm not sure that I have really answered the question. I do not deny that we can feel good things around people that we are attracted to. I am simply hesitant to call that love.

xander

[martin]

Obviously I'm speaking from the viewpoint of the hormonal teenager here, but I'd have to agree with xander there. I only really felt for Cara after I'd got to know her well, and the same applies to Abi now that I'm getting to know her better.