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AliMente
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Postby AliMente » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:01 pm

Sorry. Copy/Paste-Joke. I'll try again with some other jokes:

1: Two Popes meet.

2: A student passes a bar.

2: What's small, green and a square? A small green square.

3: What's the difference between a bird? One leg is a bit longer. Especially the right one.

4: How many Bavarians do you need to get a nail into a wall? 502. One who's holding the nail, one who's holding the hammer, and 500 who push the house against the nail.

It's a pitty I only know jokes in german.
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Postby xander » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:13 pm

AliMente wrote:Sorry. Copy/Paste-Joke. I'll try again with some other jokes:

1: Two Popes meet.

2: A student passes a bar.

2: What's small, green and a square? A small green square.

3: What's the difference between a bird? One leg is a bit longer. Especially the right one.

4: How many Bavarians do you need to get a nail into a wall? 502. One who's holding the nail, one who's holding the hammer, and 500 who push the house against the nail.

It's a pitty I only know jokes in german.

You really don't want to tell jokes like that -- I will have to get started on my elephant jokes :)

However, I don't really have time to type them all up now, so a brief joke for the moment:

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the first one.

Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Peer pressure.

Q: Why did the kid fall off of his bicycle?
A: Three monkeys fell out of a tree and nailed him on the head.

Q: What's brown and green, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?
A: A billard table.

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Postby Montyphy » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:17 pm

I will resist the urge to copy and paste dead baby jokes.
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Postby xander » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:19 pm

Montyphy wrote:I will resist the urge to copy and paste dead baby jokes.

You mean like "What is easier to unload from a truck (would that be lorry in British English?): bowling balls, or dead babies? The babies, you can use a pitchfork?"

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Postby Montyphy » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:27 pm

xander wrote:You mean like "What is easier to unload from a truck (would that be lorry in British English?): bowling balls, or dead babies? The babies, you can use a pitchfork?"


Those would be the ones.

xander wrote:truck (would that be lorry in British English?)


In this joke, both lorry and truck make sense. Trucks tend to refer to pickups (or sometimes lorries) but lorries generally what American's call trucks. Although it doesn't tend to matter unless you refer to a pickup as a lorry.
Last edited by Montyphy on Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby alphager » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:30 pm

My favorite dead-baby-joke:
Q:What is funnier than a dead baby?

A:A dead baby wearing a clown-costume.
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Postby xander » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:32 pm

alphager wrote:My favorite dead-baby-joke:
Q:What is funnier than a dead baby?

A:A dead baby wearing a clown-costume.

In that vein:

Q: What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm in your apple.

Q: What is worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.

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Postby Montyphy » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:35 pm

xander wrote:Q: What is worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.


We all know the Holocaust was just something parents came up with to scare their children, just like the Boogeyman.
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Postby UsF » Wed Aug 30, 2006 7:52 am

xander wrote:
Montyphy wrote:I will resist the urge to copy and paste dead baby jokes.

You mean like "What is easier to unload from a truck (would that be lorry in British English?): bowling balls, or dead babies? The babies, you can use a pitchfork?"

xander
^

I don't get it...why do the babies have to be dead for that?


By the way I am from germany too.


I thought the Holocaust was a lightshow.

I could also argue about some americans that can name all states and their capitals, but cannot find europe, asia or africa on the world map >_>
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Postby W31RD0 » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:11 pm

UsF wrote: I could also argue about some americans that can name all states and their capitals, but cannot find europe, asia or africa on the world map >_>

That reminds of one time I watched Jay Leno's show (The tonight show?), and he was walking round on the streets, asking random people, what you call people from Denmark. A lot of crazy answers, and nobody got it right. The only answer I can remember right now, is Denmarkians.
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Postby Rkiver » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:21 pm

Silly silly people.
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Postby xander » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:29 pm

Image
^^ That is perhaps the greatest avatar ever.

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Postby Montyphy » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:48 pm

UsF wrote:I don't get it...why do the babies have to be dead for that?


OK, you made me do this...

* What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

* How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.

* What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples

* How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.

* What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

* Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.

* What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

* What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.

* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.

* How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

* What do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gherkin?
A B*g Mac.

* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob

* What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

* How do you make a man pregnant?
Stick a dead baby up his ass!

* How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.

* How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

* What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

* How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!

* How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!

* How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.

* What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.

* What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.

* Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!

* What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.

* What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying in a ditch?
Phil.

* What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
One is legal to hit with an AX.

* What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!

* What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pink Cadillac?
I don't have a pink Cadillac in my garage.
Last edited by Montyphy on Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby NeoThermic » Wed Aug 30, 2006 3:53 pm

W31RD0 wrote:
UsF wrote: I could also argue about some americans that can name all states and their capitals, but cannot find europe, asia or africa on the world map >_>

That reminds of one time I watched Jay Leno's show (The tonight show?), and he was walking round on the streets, asking random people, what you call people from Denmark. A lot of crazy answers, and nobody got it right. The only answer I can remember right now, is Denmarkians.


Danish, like the pastries. Unless I'm mistaken and you lot are not pastries. ;)

Then again, that reminds me of a show that asked a huge bunch of americans to put a pin on a world map with where Iraq was. Most of them put a pin in Australia, and some even put one in Canada and the UK!

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Postby xander » Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:05 pm

NeoThermic wrote:
W31RD0 wrote:
UsF wrote: I could also argue about some americans that can name all states and their capitals, but cannot find europe, asia or africa on the world map >_>

That reminds of one time I watched Jay Leno's show (The tonight show?), and he was walking round on the streets, asking random people, what you call people from Denmark. A lot of crazy answers, and nobody got it right. The only answer I can remember right now, is Denmarkians.


Danish, like the pastries. Unless I'm mistaken and you lot are not pastries. ;)

Then again, that reminds me of a show that asked a huge bunch of americans to put a pin on a world map with where Iraq was. Most of them put a pin in Australia, and some even put one in Canada and the UK!

NeoThermic

What I have to wonder about that bit, though, is how many people they interviewed to get the answers that they ended up showing. A few years ago, they were on the campus of UNR asking people to name the justices of the Supreme Court. I got all but one fairly quickly. I would bet anything that I was not one of the people shown in the sketch. No matter where you go, you are likely to find ignorant people to mock (though there seem to be more of them in the States than the rest of the world :/ )

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